Thursday, 28 February 2013

Am I doing something wrong?

Sometimes life scares me a bit. Not the growing up, finding a partner, getting a good job, earning enough money to stay alive and having kids bit, but the prospect of how understatedly huge life is. I don't know if I'm alone in this, but I'm quite confused about what I'm actually supposed to be doing in my life. I'm worried that I almost throw my days away by doing nothing, or the same thing over and over. I always just listen to music after always doing my homework and I always just sit around on my laptop doing nothing. I always just do the same thing, and it intimidates me that I will most likely do a lot of my current routine for the rest of my life.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be feeling excited and young and awake all the time because I'm a teenager or whether feeling like falling a sleep 70% of the time is how I should be spending my days of youth. Sometimes I even feel outside of myself at things I've been really excited to be doing, as if I'm evaluating how I am feeling to how I get the impression I should be feeling instead. And then, when I come home I wonder if I can't remember everything properly because I was too busy daydreaming about what I was and wasn't supposed to be doing. I can't just get in there and really let go because I'll start to think about how I should remember this moment because it will be symbolic of your youth. But then I can't actually fully remember the moment because again I was too locked inside my own thoughts to really notice my surroundings.

I'm not saying that every exciting thing in my life is lost because I'm so vacant a lot of the time, but I'm often worried about how I feel and remember certain situations. I feel almost pressured by stories of being young to embrace this time of my life with all I've got. But I think I need to stop worrying about how I will remember this in my adult years and try to focus on now. Stop worrying about sitting around and being unproductive and just enjoy it whilst I still can. I think that, even when I think I'm meant to be thinking about my future, what I really need to think about is my present. I just need to be in my present.

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Talkin' about my generation.

There are things that my generation of teenagers should be allowed to do, and should embrace, for the sake of celebrating our own era. There are things that we will look back on and cringe, just as our parents did, and there are things that we will have great nostalgia for and wish for the time to come again.

Things like staying up all night talking to each other through a variety of different messaging devices or websites. And enjoying the conversation so much that you can justify two in the morning as a very acceptable time to feel wide awake. Not remembering the zombie like boy or girl that will emerge from their bedroom at noon the next day only able to communicate by grunting.

Things like spending the rest of that day talking to the exact same person and keeping the conversation alive by listing everything you're doing, so as not to lose that person's virtual companionship and be left with a constant refresh of one's newsfeed to fill vast vacuums of time when nothing else in the world could possibly be done. Mum's suggestion of tidying your room was not as interesting as reading the same tweet over and over again.

Things like joining huge fan clubs with and abundance of fan-fiction and Tumblr gifs with one single character from a nerdy show and making it even more nerdy by doing so. Just becoming one massive nerd who only lives for Saturday's with Doctor Who on the telly and the rest just living on Tumblr or Youtube will be a common factor of our late childhood.

We don't have goths or punks, we have nerds squealing over Benedict Cumberbatch and wearing Pokemon hats.

Things like setting a reputation for ourselves as the Internet generation, the babes born into a world where touch screen devices is part of everyday life. A generation where not a lot concerning technology developments can surprise them and who often take it for granted. A generation who mark the first load of teenagers to have grown up in a world that to them has always had Internet, has always had the Web, who have always had a computer.

It is no bad thing, we're just the first to have ever done this before. Like any generation preceding us, we're just trying to figure out what's going on. But making a wonderful, historical stamp on the world too. I will remember staying up all night talking to certain someones like my parents remember making a very long, very expensive phone bill. They will be cherished memories, and symbols of the ways we made our own generations.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

I am the only girl in the world.

As a fifteen year old girl I often feel as if my life is the single most important and interesting thing the world has ever seen. As if my little bubble of school friends is as big as the world gets and that the things I do in my life are groundbreaking and one of a kind. None of this is true. Obviously. I don't know if it is to do with my age, that as I discover things for the first time it feels as if I really am the first person to ever do such a thing. I know that my life is enormously insignificant but I feel that everyone really cares what I do. Some times I feel as if wanting to become a writer is unique and unusual, but just about every other person wants to be or is a writer and isn't any different from the next.

I want to be groundbreaking, I want to be admired, I want my life to mean something to people, I want to make an impact. And as a teenager I feel as if this has already happened, when really nobody cares. It's not as sad as I'm making it out to be but I just hope I learn someday that my existence isn't on the large important scale that I think it is. I'll have to do a lot more work to make that happen.

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Let them eat cake.

There is just about every single magazine out there telling me what I should and shouldn't be eating right now. And to be perfectly frank I couldn't care less. I honestly don't give a rat's arse as to whether I should cut back on the cake or the chocolate or what new fad diet I should be on because it doesn't matter. I'm not fat, I'm not underweight, I'm just right and so are most other girls and boys my age too. However, they're being told that they're not healthy enough. They don't go outside anymore, they sit around too much, they eat too much crap, they're not sociable, they're too fat, they're too skinny, they all have eating disorders etc, etc. Well maybe, just possibly, this is all because it's thrown in our faces that we're basically a disgrace to the older generations. That we just don't know how easy we have it, how lucky we are.

What if we hadn't had such an obsession in the media about what we eat and how our bodies look? Would we be more like the other generations before us? Would less girls be sticking fingers down their throats to get a slimmer figure? Would more teenagers just eat cake because their metabolisms are wonderfully fast?

Why aren't kids told that? That would make a happier world, right? "Hey, kids, eat everything you want at this time in your lives because later on that stomach won't hold. You can eat six Milky Ways and probably not put any weight on right now so spend this time wisely. Go wild." I'm pretty sure if that message was sent out to teenagers, apart from possibly now fearing reaching 40 even more, there would probably be less cases of eating disorders.

So if the media would kindly like to leave us alone and create our own generation instead of being encouraged to starve ourselves instead of going down to the chippy whilst we still can, that would be wonderful.