What is it to be happy?
I haven't worked this out yet. It seems almost random. I know what makes me happy; syrupy, dandelion sunshine; singing with my sister; walking with my dad; being with my mum. I feel relieved to see my friends, to laugh with them. I like to feel my love for them rise to my chest whenever we're together.
But these things don't always mean total happiness. They just promise it.
The happiness where everything is slotted into place is random. Not everything will be slotted into place, but something feels perfected. This morning I laughed out loud for no reason. I was happy to be alive. I was hopeful for the rest of my life. That was random.
Where does that happiness come from? Can we take a drug for it?
It has lasted all day and I have felt complete. No holes in this feeling. No heavy, leaded heart.
I am excited about this feeling. About its randomness. I like this rollercoaster life. The soaring in the sky and the slow drag at the bottom.
I don't really care where this happiness comes from.