Monday 15 November 2021

The quandaries of arm knitting.

On Saturday I went to an arm knitting workshop. I went by myself and I had been excited about it for a long time. I sat in a room with some other women and learnt to knit with just my arms and a ball of yarn twice the size of my head. 

And yet, for some reason, I still felt by the time the afternoon came around that I "hadn't done enough with my day." I had successfully made a blanket with my arms. This, according to the little voice in my head, was not enough. 

I think the idea is that I am not "pushing myself hard enough." Not applying for acting and writing jobs every hour of the day. Not practicing. Not doing every little bit I can. The two hour workshop I had enjoyed that morning, a gift to myself, was not good enough. 

The fact is that learning a new skill was every bit as rewarding as it sounds. I chatted to some nice people. I physically made something that I am proud of. The blanket a beautiful, bright green and is very warm. The fact is, not everything I do needs to contribute to the future of a career or a way of making money. The irony is that by doing something mindful and rewarding I was waking up that creative part of my brain. The fact is, I had a lovely Saturday being peaceful and relaxed. The fact is, that little voice in my head should, for the most part, be completely ignored. 

Thursday 4 November 2021

Forgetting to write.

It is surprising to me that I haven't written a blog post since August. Although, for the last two years my regularity in posting has been getting worse. I am busy at the moment, but I have always been busy. I wrote pretty much every week through out sixth form and my degree. So what's changed? 

I think perhaps I am more inwardly contemplative than I was before. I still write, but I feel more hesitant to share my views knowing that they are something which evolve and change constantly. Most of the time I am simply unsure of what to say. Do I write about current affairs? Do I express my opinion on the hot, controversial topic of the month? 

In most areas I have a lot of listening to do. I am not sure that my voice is necessary in some of the topics I have been thinking about. I am still a part of the conversation, but I don't know how much my blog posts can contribute to that. 

On the other hand, maybe all of that is wrong. Maybe I've been ignoring my writing, ignoring building up that muscle. Maybe, when and if I write something about myself and my experiences, or try to shed light on something, I move at least one person. That is more than enough for it to be worth it. 

Maybe I should stop fussing and putting it off. Maybe I should just write something down, practice, get better, share something of myself. 

I wrote this and realised how much I miss it. Idiot.