Wednesday, 28 August 2013

My thoughts for the Syrian Refugees.

I cannot comprehend the feeling one must have when forced to leave everything you know behind and flee from your country. To abandon your belongings, your home, your friends, your family in a moment's notice because you fear for your life must be one great feat. All I can do is imagine that running away from your world is a little like temporarily, or sometimes permanently, dying on the inside. Suddenly your only function is to run and run from a place of danger and find sanctuary elsewhere. Thinking of much else must be fatal. Feeling the loss you just impacted on yourself must be sickening. And yet, you must only run.

As I write this it still seems like fiction, and it is quite possibly a misconstruing of a situation I can only hypothetically create. I want to be able to emphasise with the Syrian refugees, but I am only able to feel distant compassion for millions of people whose heartbreak I will never compare to my own. I cannot know the feeling of having very little water in 90 degrees heat, because my tap is just down the stairs and the heat outside is pleasant. I cannot understand the meaning of hunger, because food is always available to me. I cannot relate to the sensation of filthiness, because I shower in hot water everyday. I cannot imagine deserting my home, because I lie comfortably in my bed each night. I cannot emphasise with pain, because my family is near me and they are all well and alive. I cannot know what these refugees feel, know, see, remember, suffer and understand. I can only wish for their safety to arrive soon.

Children are suffering from post-traumatic stress after witnessing their parents dying in some awful way at the hands of war. The idea of that happening is like fiction to me. The comprehending of such a situation is almost alien. I can only imagine, and then it makes me feel sick. I hope there is someone to hold the hands of those children. I hope someone can make them feel safe.

Of course my thoughts for the Syrian refugees will make little impact, but raising awareness of their suffering is all I can really do. I'd like to see more of my generation tweeting about the refugees' situation, maybe charities to help them, thoughts and wishes towards their safety and end to their tribulation. Alas, they tweet only of Miley Cyrus's VMA performance and another grown up child star melt down is of course more relevant. Yet, quite considerably less urgent, important, or interesting.

My thoughts for the Syrian refugees are abundant, and I wish them health and safety as soon as possible. I am useless for them, but I would at least like for them to be heard and seen by the rest of the world.

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Endeavour to be whacky.

I have always had this desire to stand out and be different from the uniform culture around me. I know this is not unusual, that it is almost natural for one to strive for uniqueness against a world that appears the same. Yet, I feel there's always been something in me that has had quite a powerful need to define myself as a unique human being out of the 7 billion that are out there. Whether that be by my image, by my tastes, by my voice, by my opinion or by my persona. I have always been attracted to the idea of being confident in your own self enough to significantly stand out against a certain culture or stereotype.

I find it entertaining to surprise people about myself. To allow them to infer one thing about me only to discover something totally different, something that defies what they initially expected of me. It pleases me to learn that a particular part of myself is separate from the norm. Not separate from the cultural body or community as a being, but separate from its rules and regulations. From its expectations and understanding. I do not always specifically attempt to get people to notice my differences, but when they obviously express that what they discover about me is unlike what they had supposed I do feel an element of confidence. Confidence in that who I am is strong enough to independently, without trial,  go against the direction I am essentially required to follow.

Although, often I am unsure of how to deliberately stand out against the crowd when I consciously desire to do so. I also sometimes believe there is an element of vanity in wanting to surprise people with myself. Not of my image, but of the impact I may have on people. I must first have a belief that there will be any. And when there is, or when I suspect there may be, I find myself pleased by it. Pleased that I have had the ability and/or a uniqueness to successfully impress or effect someone and their opinion of me.

I am not even fully certain that the belief I may have in my differences to others is not a pure illusion. I am sure that in some aspects of myself I am as average as the next person. But that is also no bad thing. All I can say is that I would much prefer to be referred to as whacky and unusual than to be known as an average young girl and that it has always been so.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Enthusiasm level: -1

I wrote a blog post about a summer project just over a week ago. It's not turning out how I thought it would. I think, rather than making excuses for myself, I will still try. But only when I feel like it. I've decided, I'm going to just holiday. A new term I'm going to coin used for teenagers when they use the time they're given to relax and stop working to do exactly that.

I don't think I'm disappointed in myself. I haven't given up. I'm just not exactly impressed with my laziness. But I can accept it. I can choose to be lazy, otherwise I'd go crazy.

Still, I'll keep you posted.

How are you feeling today?

How are you feeling today? Are you happy? Sad? Lonely? Excited? Are you doing anything interesting? Do you care about it? Enjoy it?
Are you seeing anyone today? Do you like them? Are you friends? Do you have a crush on them? Are you in love? Will you ever be in love? Do you want to be in love? Do you want to be loved? Do you know who loves them? Are they a good person? Will you marry them? Do you even want to marry?
Will you ever have kids? A boy? A girl? How many? Will you care for them? Adore them? Does the prospect scare you?
Do you have a job? Do you want a job? Do you like it? Do you like your boss? Do they frighten you? Does your job make you unhappy? Do you want to change? Change yourself? Your career? Your relationship? Your image?
Are you content with what you do? Could you improve? Have you ever completely mastered a skill? Are you lying? Have you ever lied? How honest are you?
Do I trust you?
Do you trust me?

Are we okay?
Will we be okay?

I think we'll all be okay.