My thoughts for the Syrian Refugees.

I cannot comprehend the feeling one must have when forced to leave everything you know behind and flee from your country. To abandon your belongings, your home, your friends, your family in a moment's notice because you fear for your life must be one great feat. All I can do is imagine that running away from your world is a little like temporarily, or sometimes permanently, dying on the inside. Suddenly your only function is to run and run from a place of danger and find sanctuary elsewhere. Thinking of much else must be fatal. Feeling the loss you just impacted on yourself must be sickening. And yet, you must only run.

As I write this it still seems like fiction, and it is quite possibly a misconstruing of a situation I can only hypothetically create. I want to be able to emphasise with the Syrian refugees, but I am only able to feel distant compassion for millions of people whose heartbreak I will never compare to my own. I cannot know the feeling of having very little water in 90 degrees heat, because my tap is just down the stairs and the heat outside is pleasant. I cannot understand the meaning of hunger, because food is always available to me. I cannot relate to the sensation of filthiness, because I shower in hot water everyday. I cannot imagine deserting my home, because I lie comfortably in my bed each night. I cannot emphasise with pain, because my family is near me and they are all well and alive. I cannot know what these refugees feel, know, see, remember, suffer and understand. I can only wish for their safety to arrive soon.

Children are suffering from post-traumatic stress after witnessing their parents dying in some awful way at the hands of war. The idea of that happening is like fiction to me. The comprehending of such a situation is almost alien. I can only imagine, and then it makes me feel sick. I hope there is someone to hold the hands of those children. I hope someone can make them feel safe.

Of course my thoughts for the Syrian refugees will make little impact, but raising awareness of their suffering is all I can really do. I'd like to see more of my generation tweeting about the refugees' situation, maybe charities to help them, thoughts and wishes towards their safety and end to their tribulation. Alas, they tweet only of Miley Cyrus's VMA performance and another grown up child star melt down is of course more relevant. Yet, quite considerably less urgent, important, or interesting.

My thoughts for the Syrian refugees are abundant, and I wish them health and safety as soon as possible. I am useless for them, but I would at least like for them to be heard and seen by the rest of the world.

Endeavour to be whacky.

I have always had this desire to stand out and be different from the uniform culture around me. I know this is not unusual, that it is almost natural for one to strive for uniqueness against a world that appears the same. Yet, I feel there's always been something in me that has had quite a powerful need to define myself as a unique human being out of the 7 billion that are out there. Whether that be by my image, by my tastes, by my voice, by my opinion or by my persona. I have always been attracted to the idea of being confident in your own self enough to significantly stand out against a certain culture or stereotype.

I find it entertaining to surprise people about myself. To allow them to infer one thing about me only to discover something totally different, something that defies what they initially expected of me. It pleases me to learn that a particular part of myself is separate from the norm. Not separate from the cultural body or community as a being, but separate from its rules and regulations. From its expectations and understanding. I do not always specifically attempt to get people to notice my differences, but when they obviously express that what they discover about me is unlike what they had supposed I do feel an element of confidence. Confidence in that who I am is strong enough to independently, without trial,  go against the direction I am essentially required to follow.

Although, often I am unsure of how to deliberately stand out against the crowd when I consciously desire to do so. I also sometimes believe there is an element of vanity in wanting to surprise people with myself. Not of my image, but of the impact I may have on people. I must first have a belief that there will be any. And when there is, or when I suspect there may be, I find myself pleased by it. Pleased that I have had the ability and/or a uniqueness to successfully impress or effect someone and their opinion of me.

I am not even fully certain that the belief I may have in my differences to others is not a pure illusion. I am sure that in some aspects of myself I am as average as the next person. But that is also no bad thing. All I can say is that I would much prefer to be referred to as whacky and unusual than to be known as an average young girl and that it has always been so.

Enthusiasm level: -1

I wrote a blog post about a summer project just over a week ago. It's not turning out how I thought it would. I think, rather than making excuses for myself, I will still try. But only when I feel like it. I've decided, I'm going to just holiday. A new term I'm going to coin used for teenagers when they use the time they're given to relax and stop working to do exactly that.

I don't think I'm disappointed in myself. I haven't given up. I'm just not exactly impressed with my laziness. But I can accept it. I can choose to be lazy, otherwise I'd go crazy.

Still, I'll keep you posted.

How are you feeling today?

How are you feeling today? Are you happy? Sad? Lonely? Excited? Are you doing anything interesting? Do you care about it? Enjoy it?
Are you seeing anyone today? Do you like them? Are you friends? Do you have a crush on them? Are you in love? Will you ever be in love? Do you want to be in love? Do you want to be loved? Do you know who loves them? Are they a good person? Will you marry them? Do you even want to marry?
Will you ever have kids? A boy? A girl? How many? Will you care for them? Adore them? Does the prospect scare you?
Do you have a job? Do you want a job? Do you like it? Do you like your boss? Do they frighten you? Does your job make you unhappy? Do you want to change? Change yourself? Your career? Your relationship? Your image?
Are you content with what you do? Could you improve? Have you ever completely mastered a skill? Are you lying? Have you ever lied? How honest are you?
Do I trust you?
Do you trust me?

Are we okay?
Will we be okay?


I think we'll all be okay.

Summer Project.

I have officially given myself a summer project. I will not reveal what it is for if I do I fear it will never be accomplished. And I am certain that keeping it a secret endeavour will inspire me to achieve it and then to surprise people with the finished product.

I'm hoping this summer project will allow me to do something I've always wanted to, if it is completed I will be most pleased. It will prove to myself that I can work hard to make things happen, and I think that's an important skill to learn that I haven't quite mastered yet.

I will keep you updated when the said project is, hopefully, done.

What does being a feminist entail then?

My male friend asked me the other day when I claimed to be passionate about feminism, "What does being a feminist entail then?" For the moment I replied, "Believing in the equality of every man and woman regarding every race, sexuality and religion." He nodded and then said "Oh, okay then."

I like to be under the impression that my response made him think. Or at least understand a little more of what I so ardently believe in. I am also sure that he agreed with me, even though he didn't then suddenly propose to also be a feminist and attempt to fight for equality. I think it was because my friend  found the F word a little daunting, certainly as a teenage boy. Maybe he believed some great commitment was attached to declaring one's self as a feminist, as if you have to go through an initiation process and give sacrifice as you swear never to be sexist or discriminating. I was worried he thought I'd suddenly pull off a mask and reveal my true feminist identity as a butch girl wearing no bra and having a shaved head and hairy armpits. That my girly skater skirt would slowly fade away into shapeless shorts.

Perhaps it was the uncertain concept of the 'ism' usually involving some sort of war and a band of opposing 'isms' to follow. What I don't think has ever been explained to him or most people in general is that feminism isn't a political ideology, or a particular way of life, it is simply an active or passive agreement to fight as peacefully as possible against the discrimination of any human being.

I don't think anyone has officially told my generation about the new age of feminism, about its revised meaning. That whilst the original hard bearing feminists of the 60s/70s, or the suffragettes, were forced to be fairly aggressive in method in order to reach some form of equality between genders, they have now given us the chance to push this equality to be absolute. They have given us the chance to be able to express this new feminism so openly, and so widely.

We should be informing the ignorant not to forget or criticise our bra burning warriors of equality, but to learn and understand from them that we need to continue the fight until it is done.

I think feminism needs to start being promoted as a thing to be proud of. Not as a way of life, or a definite commitment, or a daunting, aggressive opinion, but as a united crusade for every man and woman to have equal rights. And that it does not need to change your image or person because feminism is as much about choice than anything.

All kids need Netflix.

I try not to take for granted the fact that my teenage life is privileged and wonderful and has the power to give me a secure future. I complain about my school work, and the pressure I am under for certain examinations and qualifications needed for the further education I will most likely proceed to attend. I go home exhausted and feel the early morning wake up the next day daunting.

I concern myself with what I should wear at the weekend, and how I should do my hair tomorrow. I wonder if I have enough allowance left to go to the cinema with my friends, or whether I should start saving up for the car I so obviously am not going to be able to afford in two years time. I plan my future home out on Pinterest, and procrastinate for hours on Twitter pretending I have nothing to do.

I'm devastated when it doesn't work out between Joey and Dawson on Dawson's Creek. Or when Jess and Nick don't get together on New Girl. Or debate whether to rewatch Green Wing again on that ever growing black hole of procrastination known as Netflix.

I have excited, fangirl discussions about books amongst my friends, and squeal at our favourite parts and laugh and tease each other because very little concerns us in the world.

What I endeavour to teach myself is to never forget the other teenagers around the world who will live in parallel universes to me and grow up without my privelages. Who won't have buckets of time to spend lounging around procrastinating, or worry about what dress to wear to a party, or even get stressed out with school work.

I want to enjoy my school career as much as possible to get the most out of the advantage I've been given with an education. I want to for the kids who long to be taught to write and to count, I want to to use the right I have as a person to learn and gain knowledge.

I want to savour all the trivial moments I will have, to remember that I am so incredibly lucky I don't have to look after a family, or earn money to live, or scavenge across a rubbish tip to survive. I want to to understand that my life is good, and that all the bad things in it are minuscule compared to the issues others have to face.

I don't want to take my teenage years for granted because one day I want to be able to give a new generation the chance to live free and wild like young people should in parts of the world where right now that's impossible. I may not do it alone, but I want to be a part of something that liberates teenagers all over the world to take advantage of the rights they have, but may not have access to.