New year, new me.

I am going to write this post about the New Year. About the love I found in the old one. The things I learnt and gained and lost. Although really I was lucky, I felt that not much was lost at all. Lucky to have lived a year free from grief. I worry now as I write this that I am jinxing myself. But that’s not how life works. Life just happens. Grief will always come, but not because you taunted it with things going well. 

I started the new year singing an unexpected karaoke round of “shuddup of ya face” in my lounge with my parents and friends.

I then woke up the next morning and couldn’t walk 2 yards without needing to lie on the floor very, very still. 

In the week since I’ve done all the things one does in the new year to commemorate a healthier, better life. I haven’t touched any alcohol, I’ve eaten a whole load of vegetables, I’ve been to the gym. I’ve written things, I’ve applied to stuff. I pulled myself together after losing half of a submission I’d spend 2 hours on. Not before crying in a cafe Nero whilst my boyfriend tried to console me. 

And I feel good. The sun is shining today, and we plough into the new year as fast as we left the old one. I am ready for all the excitement and adventures, unpredictable and surprising in their nature, that lay before me. Here’s to the textured, beautiful, wild future.