Worry.

Worry really grips your heart, doesn't it? Whether it be full-blown panic or the impossible idea that you might finish your dissertation you can be completely paralysed by it.

It takes a lot to overcome worry, to let it slip away, because that means an acceptance of the worst that could happen. But it also gives you the momentum to move forward.

I spend a lot of my life in the grips of worry, if you hadn't noticed. I can worry about everything and anything given half the chance. I can worry about symptoms of horrible diseases I definitely don't have, I can worry about my appearance, I can worry about the mess in my bedroom, I can worry about my family members getting into accidents every time they leave the house, I can worry that I'll die without finding a partner, I can worry that I am not good enough in literally any situation. I can worry, that's for sure.

Essentially I worry about everything that is beyond my control. Natural, I guess, but I often surpass the average person's capacity for worry. Sometimes I think I have actually gained a skill in worrying. I am so good at it.

But there is that moment when the thing I was worrying about happens, or it doesn't, or I eventually come back to reality as I release myself from that paralysing grip around my heart when I think "none of that was worth it, was it?". It is so exhausting to worry, it takes up all of your time. I am so physically tired out by it. Worrying is harmful. No one ever felt better after an afternoon spent worrying they weren't good enough for romantic love (for example).

And then I'll worry about worrying. I shouldn't worry so much! Stop worrying! You mustn't worry!

God, I'm so tired. I really must stop worrying.