Lockdown when the days are shorter. Lockdown when it's cold and dark and meeting with friends for warmth and support is limited to the outside when the sun is shining. This time there is less uncertainty (all things considered), and more freedom. Still this time round I am safe in my home, with my family who are healthy, we have food, we have warmth (when the heating's working), we can sit in front of the fire watching Netflix. The Indian food van in my local town is still selling the Best Samosas Ever.
Still, I think, with all of those things in mind, it is okay to be frightened. It is okay to feel down. It is okay to fear the long, dark nights ahead. It is okay to feel angry and frustrated. It is okay to acknowledge that undercurrent of anxiety running through us all. It is okay to feel scared on behalf of others, scared for their businesses and livelihoods, scared for their health.
It is okay because to ignore those reactions and feelings would be to bury them. The idea of spending the next four weeks trying to push that all away is actually more frightening to me. That's how you spiral, that's how you get lost.
It is okay to acknowledge that mustering the courage and the spirit we had the last time round is perhaps harder now. No one wants to do it again. It is no longer new and the energy it took to get through the first one has been spent.
Some people will enjoy this time, and that's okay too. But to feel exhausted at the prospect of going through all of it again is not something we should be beating ourselves up for.
I am going to have to practice a lot of self-forgiveness in order to get through the next four weeks. I am going to have to be really, really kind to myself. And that's okay. It's going to be okay. Deep breaths.
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