Deleting Instagram

I deleted my Instagram app from my phone for a few weeks. I didn't miss it much, and I only re-downloaded it because I kept missing photos of friends and family that I wanted to see. I deleted it because I found it tiring. All the best and beautiful bits of people's lives and what was I doing? Scrolling through the app late into the night like I didn't have the willpower to turn it off.

There is nothing new in this. Everyone has something similar to say about social media. But I didn't actually feel so negative about it until recently. Every time I opened Instagram I found myself wondering why I didn't look better, why I wasn't going to certain places, why I didn't have the money to eat at beautiful restaurants all the time, why my life wasn't absolutely aesthetically perfect. I kept wondering what was missing from my life, and then having to remind myself that my life is bloody brilliant and I am lucky to have everything in it.

I didn't like the feeling of inadequacy and jealousy and envy I kept getting when I went on the app. They weren't emotions which made me want to strive for more or better, to work harder or appreciate what I have. They made me feel bitter. I found myself wanting to find pictures which made my life look as constantly exciting as the people I followed. I wanted people to think my life was cool and beautiful and something to envy.

Eventually I got bored of this and decided to delete the app until I got a grip. I wasn't going to sit there scrolling through something which made me unhappy hoping my life would somehow turn into an Instagram filter and I would never be bored or disgruntled ever again. And now, having done this, I have the app again and I forget it's there. I only look to see what friends are getting up to. I get bored of aimlessly scrolling. I haven't posted in a while and I don't really care.

The thing is this isn't really about the evils of Instagram, or me preaching against those who use it. I enjoy it sometimes. I like getting creative with how I take photos. I like seeing what my friends are doing. I like how it encourages me to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. The problem with social media is rarely about the apps themselves but with the people who use them. Your ugliest side can come out, people are competitive, insecure, scared. And when I see that side of me rising, I really have better things to be getting on with. It is my responsibility to make that decision, and I'm really glad I did.