Twenty one.

On Sunday I will turn twenty-one. Twenty-one, somehow, seems a lot bigger and even more grown up than twenty. I am guessing that happens with every birthday from now on, each one a little bit more daunting. But I am excited, twenty-one is also big and exciting. What happens now? Where do I go next?

To celebrate, I have decided to write a list of things I have learnt in the twenty-one years I have existed on this planet. Twenty-one things for twenty-one years. Here it goes.

1) There is nothing that can provide greater pleasure and satisfaction than good food. Food is beautiful and I am extraordinarily lucky that I have always had a good relationship with it and that all varied sorts of it are available to me to enjoy.

2) It is okay to eat loads of carbs and very few vegetables on some days, but not all the days.

3) Something which can almost provide the same amount of pleasure as food is having your hair played with, or someone touching your back. I think it is a beautiful feeling and is a part of my love language.

4) My mum is still the best at doing this.

5) I am one of the luckiest people in the world and this is because I have a beautiful, complex, intense, loving, curious, and supportive family.

6) I am one of the luckiest people in the world and this is because I have made some of the most brilliant friends that I know are here for the long run and they fill my life with joy every single day.

7) I am endlessly and unconditionally loved by some wonderful people.

8) I have so much love inside me for and from other people sometimes it feels like I could burst or fly up to the ceiling like something out of a Road Dahl book.

9) I have done brave things in my life and I am allowed to feel proud of myself.

10) I cannot help everyone who needs it, and I cannot solve the problems this world has right now, but I can put in my best efforts.

11) Pasta and pizza are possibly the best types of food. They are consistently delicious and satisfying. Rarely am I disappointed by pizza or pasta. I shall be forever grateful for the Italians.

12) I forgive myself for relationships and friendships that didn't work out and the time I spent mourning them.

13) The pain will always end.

14) The pain will always feel endless and earth shattering all the same.

15) I have recovered from very dark periods of poor mental health and I accept that I might have to do it again and again throughout my life, but I have proven to myself that I am strong enough to do so.

16) It won't always turn out like I wanted it to, in fact it rarely will, but this is almost always for the better.

17) I can be alone without being lonely because I am loved.

18) It is okay to be lonely and to desire and to want to be desired. This does not make me a bad feminist.

19) Always, always strive to be the best feminist. This means supporting all kinds of women from all kinds of backgrounds, and it also means loving and supporting myself.

20) I think 'When Harry Met Sally' might officially be my favourite film of all time.

21) I am incredibly young and have been incredibly young this entire time. I will still be incredibly young when I am twenty-one and for quite a few years after. I have time. I am enjoying the journey. It is a good journey.