Saturday, 17 May 2014

Your body is not your own.

Should you possess female sex organs and consider yourself a 'woman' then let me warn you, your body will never be your own. Every morning when you dress yourself in whatever attire you desire please note that every judgement made of you that day will be made because of your appearance. Should you happen to be an intelligent, witty, talented, incredible person and attend an awards ceremony to receive commendation for your achievements, please wear something that will please the press and public opinion even if you feel uncomfortable. Remember, your body is not your own.

If you have a low metabolism and look rounder than the preferred forced stick insect style, please just lock yourself away in an attic somewhere even if you have something to be doing that's important. For example, if you're a doctor don't even bother because your excess in body weight might impede your job. That degree in medicine will NOT compensate for that muffin top. Oh and need I even remind you when you decide to act on your sole purpose as WOMAN and push a small human child out of your body that if the disgusting weight from carrying another person inside of you for 9 months is not lost within a week then you will simply be called out as having 'let yourself go'. Another friendly reminder, your body is not your own.

If you somehow become a celebrity (as a woman) don't forget to look like a strangely perfect human every time you leave the house because the press like to convince the population that you're not actually a person. The one time you do forget to cover your face with skin coloured liquid your picture will be taken and laughed at because it's always hilarious to mock how VILE people look without their painted masks on. Dear celebrities, your body is definitely not your own.

This is a very important thing to remember, if you have a vagina AND have strong opinions then it is scientific fact that your pubic hair will be excessive and the subject of public speculation. Mary Beard is a real life example of this, please take her situation as a valuable life lesson and don't discuss controversial opinions. Otherwise, the entire nation will know that you don't shave 'down below' which as we all know is a punishable sin written in the bible. I think she definitely learnt that her body is not her own.

To all women in the public eye, or in any profession or life style, your body is not your own.