Purpose.

I think it's very important to have a hobby, or to have something that will keep your mind occupied. If you're working hard at work or school, you've got something you're working towards or for. You're doing something purposeful. If you have a hobby that you're passionate about then you push yourself to do well in it, maybe even to be the best at it. Both of these things allow your mind to focus on something, or maybe take your mind off other things. Without a focus or a purposeful subject in your life, I find that it becomes difficult to concentrate. You feel as if you're just floating through life, getting nothing done, getting nothing out of life. I, personally, need to feel as if I'm doing something with a goal. If I'm working towards something and enjoying it, feeling satisfied by it, then I feel as if I'm making some of the best of my life. I don't feel as if I'm wasting my time away doing nothing.

Keep your mind occupied with things that you enjoy, or work so that you will get to those things that you enjoy. Just make sure that you are always enjoying it, because otherwise it loses its objective.

Clarice Bean.

"For a long time I used to go to bed early. But now I go to bed late. I am not sleeping at night and I wake up in the dark. And my mind is thinking and spinning." 

Under the age of about 10, I read very little. Only when my mum read to me, or when I found a really special book I truly enjoyed, did I read. These occasions were quite sparse over the years. The Secret Garden and Pollyanna were books read to me, and sometimes I would be sucked into the gruesome tales of the Goosebumps stories if I should come across them in the school library. I was always partial to the ones that had multiple twists and endings in a single story, this way you could read the book over and over and never have the same plot. However, the series of books that genuinely touched me, and stayed close to my heart were Clarice Bean by Lauren Child.

Unfortunately, there were times as a young child when I was quite lonely. Floating between friends who never seemed as if they honestly enjoyed your company was somewhat disheartening for an 8/9 year old. It wasn't as if I was a horrible child who bullied everyone else on the playground, or the kid that never washed and people generally avoided. I just knew there wasn't anyone who I was completely fond of, and could genuinely call my best friend. What I did know, and what was quite sad, was that if Clarice Bean had been a real person then for almost certain we would have been the best of friends. I was sure that Clarice was a girl after my own heart, and that we would have got on like a house on fire.

However, Clarice was a fictional character and only existed in my imagination and in the pages of books. They were fantastic novels too. Not only was the language hilariously witty that now having matured quite a bit I realise I missed a fair chunk of the observational humour, and the font and illustrations were so funky and chic, but the stories themselves were so relatable particularly as a young girl just like Clarice. There were only three of the novels, and a lot more of the short picture books, but with the novels Clarice grew older. Towards the last book the illustrations disappeared and the content was more mature, so you not only felt that you'd grown up with Clarice but that you'd reached the stages of a more sophisticated reading.

It was particularly in the last book when I really realised that I was actually quite lonely, and that Clarice Bean would be the perfect best friend. In this book 'Don't Look Now' Clarice's best friend Betty Moody leaves to go to America, and Clarice is completely distraught. She seems so lonely and upset that whilst reading it I noticed that I felt quite similar to her. Clarice also seeks solace in her favourite book character, Ruby Redfort, and fantasises about meeting her, so basically I mirrored exactly what she did. And not intentionally. I can remember crying in some parts of the book because I felt so desperately sad for her, and so wished that she could be real and we could stop each other from feeling lonely.

I thought Clarice was a hoot, I was in awe of her. She had an older brother and a cool name and she just seemed the type of girl I wanted to be. She would be the type of friend who would always make you laugh, and always know all the cool things that you didn't and she would just be wonderful. I adored Clarice Tuesday Bean, and I adored the books. And I shall read them to my daughters, and hope that they should already have their own Clarices but that they would be real.

Apprehension.

Almost everyday I feel apprehensive about something. Obviously, this is fairly normal but sometimes it can be quite restricting. Especially when this apprehension causes me to miss out on something, or lose an important opportunity. Too often do I take this apprehension seriously and take the easy option of just going home, taking the safe side and forgetting about the thing I was nervous about. This could be talking to people I don't really know, asking questions that could help me but being too afraid to ask, not going out and doing something fun because I feel the slightest bit under the weather and I don't want to risk being really ill. Stupid little things, that really aren't worth all the worry and that I should just push through the apprehension and grasp the opportunities by the horns.

I try to teach myself not to do this, to let myself go and forget my worries. And recently I think it's beginning to work. I've been able to minimise the nerves I get before doing things that sometimes are out of my comfort zone, and enjoying myself because of this. Having taught myself this I've now begun to realise that life's actually pretty wonderful when there's no worry.

I suggest that if you also find you're holding yourself back with apprehension then you should try and make the most of everything until eventually the worry disappears and you can only have fun.

On being a teenage feminist.

I am a feminist. I don't burn bras, I don't hate men, I am simply a feminist. And what that means is that I strongly believe in equality. And that is all. I don't think that women are superior to men, I don't believe men should suffer for the many years of female oppression and I don't believe that the roles should be reversed and that women should be the dominant sex and men be the "weaker". What I do believe, and what I fight for along with many others is for both genders to be acknowledged and treated equally in every means and in every society.

Unfortunately this equality between every man and woman has not yet been achieved anywhere in the world. In some cases women still get paid smaller salaries than men, the objectification of women and overall portrayal of women in the media has become more and more degrading and the equality we had obtained in our image has gone backwards. The majority of rape and sexual assault victims still don't receive the appropriate justice in court and by society with seedy lines like "her clothes were too provocative" doing the rounds and many cases being dropped or ignored. Mainly because of the taboo we have created around the subject. Sexual harassment occurs in almost every woman's daily life without much thought or care of the actual seriousness of the issue.

In countries such as Afghanistan even more unjust cases of oppression are happening this moment with the absolute hatred of women from the Taliban causing them to almost cease to exist. Women are unable to go into the streets without wearing a full burqa with only a tiny slit of lace to see through or without a male accompanying them, they are unable to work or earn any money, an unmarried young woman cannot talk to an unmarried young male without being forced to marry them. More horrifyingly, a woman of any age cannot be examined by a male doctor, and with women unable to work the Taliban have essentially destroyed women's health care. Girls also cannot go to school or university.
I can't fully explain the evil that the Taliban have inflicted upon the female population of Afghanistan or other countries and areas occupied by them. Their treatment of everybody is obviously disgusting, but their complete disregard of half of their species is abominable.

I can think of many other cases similar to this awful oppression of women, all of them being the reason I still believe strongly that this equality is so worth fighting for. Although, in this century where many think that the equality has already been reached believe that by calling myself a feminist and making these points and statements about sexism and oppression that I'm just a righteous bitch moaning and whining about something that is age old and not worth talking about anymore. It's not age old and it certainly still is worth talking about. I don't care what some of my peers may think of me for being this passionate about the subject, or that some find it unattractive, or why the hell do I even care because I'm only 14 and most of these issues don't effect me anyway? Those people aren't worth thinking about, and some are even the reason I can still call myself a feminist. Because there's still a lot out there to fight against.

I don't want to make this piece angry and off-putting and place myself right in the middle of the stereotypical category of feminists, all raging and anti-men. That's not who I am, who I am is passionate about anti-inequality. On one hand, it's not a light subject and it is quite easy for someone like me to become overly ardent about expressing the issues. But on the other hand, if as a teenage girl I want to portray to people and make them understand that this is important then I have to do it in a way that won't discourage them and make them see me as just a moody cow who doesn't see the fun in life.

I want to be known as a feminist, I want to encourage others, boy or girl, to also be feminist and to want to fight for equality. I want to see as I grow up my belief in this right to be equal with everyone become closer to being true. I want let all the women before be like the suffragettes know that what they fought for so bravely will not be forgotten until it is fully and properly achieved. I'm not a righteous bitch, I'm just 14 years old and I want to make a difference in the world. Even if it's subtly and quietly, I want to know that I supported the belief in equality and hopefully, one day, see it happen.

Laugh. All the time.

We all want things. We all say we need things. We all have things. These things are scattered around the house, the new ones shining and boasting in full view, the old and less loved ones kept in boxes up in the loft. These things are placed thoughtfully in shop windows and in other people's possession. These things are thrown at us through the TV, magazines, the Internet, the radio with everyone screaming that if you do not have this thing you are worthless and behind the times and that you just absolutely need this... Thing.

We have become dependant on these things, believing that if we do not own a certain object our lives are not complete. Okay, so you really do need the vegetable peeler if you're going to peel that parsnip, but the new plasma screen TV is not a necessary item in your everyday life. It isn't necessary at all actually, it's a luxury and that is all. 

What people seem to forget is that actually, when it comes down to it and you don't count the vital actions such as eating, the only really important thing is the people you love. Everybody really needs to be surrounded by people who care about them, who know them well and, most fundamentally, make you laugh until you cry. I don't believe there is a greater feeling in the world than when you are laughing so uncontrollably with friends that your stomach muscles actually ache. I don't believe you are really human unless you have experienced this, and that you really must. Everyday, anywhere, for any reason. 

Malala Yousufzai.

Malala Yousufzai at this moment in time must be one of the bravest blogger to have lived. A 14 year old Pakistani girl denied her right to an education making the gallant decision of risking her life so that she and many girls like her could just learn. You don't hear that everyday, actually, I don't think I've heard it ever. How many young teenage girls do you know that have done something so significantly brave in order to fight for the importance of equality and education that they've been nominated for an international peace prize? For me, none.

I have an infinite amount of respect for this girl, for her intelligence, her determination, her strong belief in what is right, and most importantly her bravery. Paid by the BBC Malala began to write a blog at 11 years old on the happenings and state of the area in which she lived, a place under the Taliban's control, and to fight for the right for girls to be allowed to go to school. Despite the fact that in her village people were being executed for not conforming to the Taliban's rules, she continued to write this blog anonymously in order to show the importance of a young girl's education. However, recently her friends had begun to discover who the unknown blogger was and warned her about the dangers she was facing, this didn't stop her though and she carried on writing until finally it seemed her bravery and hard work had paid off, girls were now allowed to attend school again.

The day that she was going to return to school, to obtain the education she had worked towards, the Taliban found the 14 year old girl and shot her in the head.

Grown men deliberately went out to find this child and personally kill her simply because she spoke out against them. She had not caused anyone pain or harm or offence, and yet somehow she was prosecuted for writing a blog. These men found her bus, waited for the right girl to get off and shot her in view of all the other young children arriving for their school day. The entire concept is so unfathomable, so disgraceful, so disgusting I find it very difficult to comprehend.

Having also found this event most sickening authorities flew this injured child out to Queen Elizabeth hospital in Birmingham, England in order to receive an operation she urgently needed. She is now being treated there and it has been reported that although she has a very long way to go she's also making good progress.

I think every child, particularly in Pakistan or in areas with similar situations, owes something to Malala now. Very, very few people would be as brave as she has been in these circumstances and it's so wonderful that she was. She proved to people how desperately important a child's education was and, just how powerful it could be. She became an inspirational icon, not because she was shot and that her situation is so unfortunate, but because knew that it would happen and yet she continued writing because she knew just how crucial her blog was. What she did is so brilliant, so magnificent even that every young girl should look at her and be inspired.

I don't know what I'd do in her place, I'd like to think I would write a blog like hers and have enough courage to risk my life but I guess I'll never know. I'm lucky that I will never have to know, and that this is just a theoretical idea and not a reality like it was for Malala. I feel spoilt with the excellent education I receive for free, and guilty that I should ever take it for granted. I know that now I have witnessed Malala's true courage I shall never again begrudgingly accept my education but use it to the best of my advantage understanding that it gives me a platform on which I can become incredibly powerful. I am so very lucky to have an education, thank you, Malala for showing me this.

I hope one day I meet this truly inspirational woman. And I hope that every girl will take her by example. I will never forget this beautiful girl, and she will always be in my heart as one of the bravest and most wonderful people this generation have seen.

So from one 14 year old girl to another, I wish you well Malala Yousufzai. I really do.

Anger.

I lose my temper far quicker than I should do. I have a tendency to snap or become irritated with people easily. It could be over the smallest thing, and I can just possibly show discreetly that the particular thing has angered me but I do it all the same. It happens too quickly and too easily, and I don't know if I fully understand why. I consider myself to be a very happy person almost all of the time, but for some reason I have been known to have a hot temper. I'm not the only one to react in this heated way, my family sometimes struggle to keep composure also. I think that maybe we are all quite strongly opinionated on subjects, some opposing each other's opinions within the family, or feel passionately about most of what we believe in, which causes us to become quite defensive or angry when agitated by certain people or issues. We are all also a family of very headstrong individuals meaning we live in an environment where we are constantly bouncing off each other either in passionate agreement or disagreement, and so when surrounded by others I feel I need to be listened to and voice my opinions when I believe something to be wrong. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but the way in which I react to certain situations can sometimes result in a worse place from where I was before.

If someone or something really angers me, I make sure that they or someone knows. I am not the sort of person to let something of the moment that I take offence to or feel effected by slide past. If I feel an individual has said something I strongly disagree with or something deliberately aimed at hurting or insulting me, I become quite passionate.

 I have in the past become so infuriated that I actually got the urge to act with some sort of violence. I never have, and I sincerely hope that I never will, but I have genuinely felt awfully close to hitting or causing someone pain just because I have got so heated. It's a truly horrid feeling, your whole body suddenly becomes literally very hot and you almost shiver with anger. You're practically blinded with this urgent need to get at this person, to cause them pain, to make them understand that they are wrong or they have hurt you and that this is how you feel and the need to know this. It's so important that they know this, you cannot just simply walk away having become so worked up it's like your whole body has been effected by the anger and you must let it out. And you do, but you say the most ridiculous things and nothing you actually wanted to say or do happens because your mind is so occupied with this passion that it's barely able to think. Then you come back down to reality and you look at yourself and the situation you're in and you feel so ashamed, so embarrassed, that you allowed yourself to become like that, to let go of your dignity and become an unrecognisable version of you. And then you run away and cry because it felt so horrible, and you feel exhausted from the intensity of the emotion and you just can't bare it anymore. You end up, eventually, far worse off than before you lost control and that huge amount of effort and emotion was just a very big and very embarrassing waste of time.

I allow myself to become the lesser person even if I know that I'm the right one, and I truly, truly hate it. It isn't often that I feel this way, in fact, I rarely ever become so angered but I still loath the fact that I ever have or do. I genuinely feel ashamed of the fact I let that happen to me, that I actually lost control of my senses. It really upsets me. But I understand that when people come to be this way it is rarely out of choice, or without impulsive and impetuous decision. I just wish that I had more restraint when I get angry or hurt, I certainly will try to be calmer and more sensible the next time I am involved in a dispute. I suppose I just need to take a deep breath the next time I am on the verge of losing myself to anger and think of the consequences I will cause for myself more than the other person, because I know it upsets and embarrasses me when I do let it happen.

I am not saying that it is wrong to feel passionately about things, or to act on your anger if you feel you have been wronged, but I am saying it's important to stay in control and composed because it will only be harder for you if you don't. I'm proud of the fact I don't let myself be bullied, or am brave enough to stay true to my opinions even when the majority disagree. My parents have taught me that, and I am extremely grateful that I have been brought up in a family full of people who make themselves be heard. I believe it to be an important skill to have. I just wish that sometimes I wasn't quite so passionate about things that really don't matter, and I would be better off just walking away from them.