Gosh it's been a while since I wrote my last blog post. I think it was last year that I got properly out of the habit of writing one weekly. The discipline and regularity was something I was proud of. I worry now that losing the habit is the result of laziness. Perhaps some of it is.
But I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now. About having something to say. About producing "content." Surely the value of what I am saying diminishes if I am just writing it for the sake of posting it.
The other thing is this year has felt like a black hole for creativity. Or thought in general. Lockdown, especially in winter, turns my brain to mush. This time of year, as jolly as the festivities can be, the rest of it feels bleak and slow. The short, dark days make me want to just hibernate. I know I am not alone in this, and yet part of me is suckered into believing that watching a few people on social media posting great, clever, creative things means that I am the only lazy, tired one left behind.
Also, I am being very harsh on myself. I have been writing regularly, it's just not something I can post or share. I have a deadline and a goal but it might not even become anything. That's a new thing I am having to learn. That not everything I work hard on will manifest into something bigger or something shareable. I think that is what I am having to get over, that I can still be productive, creative and work towards a greater goal without having to show everyone to prove it. Let's be honest, it's the instant gratification that blogging provides that I feel the lack of in other writing. But that doesn't reduce the creative worth (for myself) of either.
All that said, I have yet again reminded myself of the benefit of writing a blog post. The cogs are whirring again. My mind feels a bit clearer, having written through some thoughts. Like anything that you put off, when you actually get round to doing it it feels great. Maybe writing for the sake of posting has its merits after all.
